Good day. Beckett has had a good day. He has spent most of the day sleeping, and when he was awake he was completely calm and happy, for the most part. Despite having a large tube down his throat, he did not seem to be overly annoyed. They even decreased his Versed (sedation) by half because they are hoping to take him off the ventilator some time tomorrow. However, as we have seen multiple times, Beckett’s pleural effusion is detrimental to his breathing. They have not pulled any fluid from his chest tube since they first put it in, so I asked that we not rush to take him off the vent if there still seems to be fluid that isn’t draining out. I would hate to see the tube come out only to go right back in…again. So, they said they would discuss it with the doctor prior to pulling it. We will see what the x-ray shows in the morning.
I love spending quality time with my son. I spent most of his awake time next to his bed holding his hand and talking to him. I rub his feet and legs, and give him lots of kisses. I have yet to go a day without seeing him, and I pray I am able to see him at least a little every day. This is hard with me working, but so far I am making it happen. Yesterday I had a sobering thought. While I did make it down after work yesterday to see him for about half an hour, Beckett was already sleeping when I arrived. Once home, I realized it was the first day he had gone without seeing his mommy. It pretty much brought me to tears. While I don’t think he has the same concept of time, it broke my heart to think he might be wondering where I am. It is so hard to be away from him for such long periods of time, so I pray for continued strength and understanding that this sacrifice is what is best for him.
We are continuing to trust in the Almighty Savior for Beckett’s complete healing. While this journey he has laid before us is hard every single day, it is clear God has things to teach us that we could not have learned any other way. So I am grateful in my circumstances. Jonny told me the other day that I will always be able to look at Beckett and see how God used him to change my life. He is my constant reminder that God is truly faithful. And he will be to the end.