Hope everyone has seen the “Gerber Baby 2.0” concept….I think he definitely pulls it off, don’t you?! It’s kinda funny actually, we were doin’ a lil research on the Gerber Baby for fun and discovered that they did a contest last year for a “new” Gerber Baby. I put new in quotations because it wasn’t to replace the iconic image, but rather an opportunity for the baby who won to be the “face-of-Gerber” for a year with commercials, promotional stuff, etc. Beckett could have totally won that! 😉
(side-note: the winner got $50,000)
It’s been another confusing day. Beckett continued to receive his dose(s) of morphine when needed. He really has only gotten the rescue doses once every 10-12 hours…but it’s just seemed sooo much more frequent than that. On top of that, he had to have his oxygen support bumped up higher and higher throughout the day. It got as high as 65 (which is high), and that was quite discouraging. They’ve done an x-ray and ultrasound to not necessarily find much. He still has some fluid around his lungs which suspiciously isn’t draining out of his chest tube. He still has a little atelectasis (which makes his breathing more difficult), but it isn’t that severe to have this kind of impact. They gave him an extra dose of lasix (which helps remove fluid), and that seems to be helping some.
Sooo, I just sit here (when I’m not researching and writing a paper) and stew a nasty pot of frustration, grief, stress, anxiety, impatience, confusion and helplessness (to name a few) while I attempt to be strong for Leah and especially for Beckett. It’s difficult because I want to be true to my emotions yet strong for my family. I just want so badly to relieve him of this, but it’s as if God is simply and quietly saying, “wait”.
Ironically (if you read yesterday’s post along with the past few), part of our devotions this morning began with the phrase “Trust Me one day at a time” (ODAAT). It then went on to say, “Trust is not a natural response, especially for those who have been deeply wounded…Don’t let your need to understand distract you from My Presence.” Yet another humbling reminder once again.
My son is in my God’s hands, and nobody else’s. He’s taking care of him, and though anxiety is a natural response, the hard truth is that some of that anxiety stems from a lack of faith on my part. Not necessarily faith that everything will or won’t work out in “my favor”, but rather a lack of faith in his control, love, omnipotence and perfect sovereign plan. I really have no intentions to get into a theological tiff, so I will simply say that I do believe in a capital “G” God who loves my son more than I…..and he’s present…..and he is in control.