Heart of Beckett

UPDATE (3/21/13)

Today began with a 7am phone call from one of the doctors at the hospital. I literally thought my heart stopped beating, and that I might actually thrown up in my bed. It was seriously a horrible feeling. He was calling to give me an update on a problem Beckett had through the night. At one point his oxygen had to be turned up to 65% (and we found out tonight he was also having a mild heart arrhythmia). They did an x-ray as well as called the cardiologist. She did not have an explanation as to why he was having an acute problem, but they gave him some lasix and by the time the doctor was calling me Beckett was down to 25% oxygen. I was already nervous about his surgery today, so this did not help to ease my worries. My baby sister stayed with me last night and today so I didn’t have to be alone, and she said I was basically panting after hanging up the phone.

So this morning Beckett had surgery for his G-tube placement. Things went smoothly and they said he did as well as he could have. He was back in his room just over an hour after being taken down. Praise the Lord they were able to do it laproscopically and did not have to actually make an incision to place the button. So today has been mostly recovery and pain control. This is the current big issue. As Beckett has a high tolerance to pain medications due to having been on them so long, it is taking some time to find the right dose to make him comfortable. They have him on a Fentanyl drip and give him Morphine on top of that if he appears to be in pain. He came back from surgery on 2mcg of Fentanyl, but by this afternoon had been turned up to 3mcg and received Morphine and this evening they gave him more Morphine and then had to eventually turn his Fentanyl up to 4mcg. It is a fine balance because they obviously want him to be comfortable, but at the same time they don’t want him to be too sedated that he doesn’t breathe. Since he is on the vent it will breathe for him if he doesn’t, but the goal is to get him off it as soon as possible, which requires him to be awake enough to breathe on his own. They are hoping to have him off in just a couple of days.

With Beckett’s recent struggle with oxygen support I have been nervous about this surgery for days. I have been praying specifically for God to speak to me as to whether or not he would be fine today, or, if I should make the decision to postpone the surgery until another time. This morning after I received the phone call I prayed so hard for God to show what I should do. I blindly opened my Bible to Psalm 56:3 “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you”. Then I read today’s Jesus Calling devotional. The first sentence said this: “Trust me and don’t be afraid”. He really couldn’t have made it clearer. I have never thought that God has left us on our own, but it is incredible to me that this day was ordained in perfect fashion to bring me comfort, and He continues to show up in big ways exactly when I need them.