Heart of Beckett

UPDATE (2/8/13)
-Another Day and Another Blessing-
Beckett has had an “eventful” day. I know we typically yearn and plead for “uneventful” days, but today wasn’t necessarily the antithesis of that. Beckett’s day began with his VapoTherm being turned down again (another step closer to “independence”), he had his first PT/OT session since being at the PICU, and I think he slayed it! 😉 He usually has always hated to be touched or moved, but it almost looked like he enjoyed the therapy, so it was quite amusing to watch. Unfortunately an hour or two later he broke into hysterics. After a while of not settling down, they made the decision to give him a “rescue dose” of morphine. Fortunately (yet unfortunately), it worked quite well. They are thinking that the therapy may have had a residual effect that agitated him afterwards. I mean, he has had 8 operations already in his short lil life…I guess it’s understandable. 🙂 It’s so calming, though, to watch him lay there with what appears to be complete peace and comfort, especially with all that he’s gone through. But the flip-side of that is that we want to continue to wean him off of his dependency of these narcotics. It’s a fine line, but in the grand scheme of things he’s doing “quite well”, or at least “much better”, than yesterday, or even the day before that.

On a lighter note, Beckett is back to his old tricks of stealing women’s hearts. It hasn’t taken long for him to make his presence known around here, and he doesn’t even have a voice yet. It’s so funny to watch the nurses genuinely go crazy over him. His eye’s will snatch your heart, and he won’t give it back!

I wrote a list yesterday of everything that was on my mind, thinking this may help bring clarity or possibly an opportunity to help organize my thoughts. Needless to say…It was daunting. I couldn’t believe everything I was thinking of from: our Christmas Decorations still being up, to a FAFSA application for my schooling I need to fill out, but first I need to do my Taxes for 2012, Medicaid for Beckett (our medical bills have reached the millions by now), Everyday Bills, my Theology on Prayer (…yeah), School Assignments, etc. etc….and that hardly scratches the surface. However, and yet through all of this, the more I’ve learned, the more I realize how little I know….and the more I appreciate my salvation through embracing my depravity. I could go on-and-on…and in fact, I just deleted a large portion of this update with intent to value your time as a partner in this journey. As challenging as this process as been, it’s amazing to find peace through that which we were taught to be our “constant”: God’s word, our prayer life, one another (the body). But even if all that was taken away, and as we have seen from Job loosing everything, from Abraham relinquishing his son, we see from Paul in 1 Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”, or Philippians 4:11 to be content in our circumstances, or Romans 8:28 that ALL things work out to the glory of God. I have to ask myself, do I really believe that? And I believe that I do. There are just times when it is more difficult. I know I’m not saying anything all that profound, and I believe this is my cue to transition from an “Update” to my “Personal Journal”…but God is Good, all the time! And though life isn’t necessarily always easy, it’s also not always hard. And again, whether we align religiously, theologically or not…I am flattered and so grateful for your support. Thank you all! Beckett will come home! I believe God can, He will, and even if He doesn’t…..To God be the Glory!

— with Leah ‘Whiteley’ Rupp at St. Vincent Women’s Hospital.