-broken-
So, this is getting difficult. Our flesh is quite weak. Many times throughout the day (including about 5 minutes ago) my heart was pounding through my chest out of fear and anxiety. As I’d take Leah’s ’emotional temp’ throughout the day, she’d respond with statements like ‘I’m about ready to break’.
While watching his monitor (a favorite past-time of ours as of late … #fictitious), he’d have a somewhat stable read and then desat his heart rate, or then his oxygen….it would just plummet for no reason. This ‘roller coaster’ would literally make us sick to our stomachs. The feeling of helplessness and fear would be overwhelming. And though we still trust in our God’s omnipotence, that doesn’t necessarily remove reactive emotion. At this point, I feel as if I’m just mindlessly venting, and I value your guys time more than that to continue.
So, a few quick technical/medical updates:
– They are doing an Upper GI soon, to make sure his anatomy is normal
– He’ll probably get his G-Tube (a tube going into his stomach for feedings) this week
– The Docs think that his shunt (a plastic tube they surgically inserted during his first initial surgery) is possibly pumping too much blood to his lungs
– They are not changing any Meds
– They obviously want to wean him back off the Ventilator as soon as possible
– The Infectious Disease Doctor came in and said his CRP (inflammation) is elevated now, sooo (and as a result), he does have another infection, but they are not sure what it is yet until possibly sometime tomorrow (those cultures take some time to provide results/answers)
So that’s that. Again, I’m typing out of weakness, so I apologize for grammatical errors, unpolished flow, and any course and impatient verbiage.
I cling to some comforting words of a worship song that has gained a whole new meaning for me as of late:
Chorus:
Give me faith to trust what You say
That You’re good, and Your love is great.
I’m broken inside, I give You my life.
Bridge:
I may be weak, but
Your Spirit’s strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but
My God You never will.
Exodus 14:14
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still”
— with Leah ‘Whiteley’ Rupp at st Vincents womens hospital.
Heart of Beckett 
Our family has been following your story and praying for you all. We are friends of Joshua and Julia. We will continue to pray!
In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.Romans 8:26. I am trusting that the groans of the Holy Spirit will intercede for your sweet little Beckett in this very moment. Praying earnestly for you all.
Still praying for Beckett. The Lord is with him. I pray for comfort, healing, rest, and peace for Beckett. I pray for you and Leah too… for the strength to make it through this, for peace in knowing God is sovereign and all-powerful, and for joy in each wonderful moment spent with your beautiful son.
Praying through this difficult time with you. Wanting so much for your little one to be relieved from all of this and a miraculous healing. My thoughts often turn to your situation and my heart cries out on your behalf to our God. Our children love your little boy and want to know how he’s doing. Children change our hearts and they are precious! We initially forgot to pray for Beckett at dinner last night, but we stopped eating and I led my 8 year old dtr in a prayer. We will continue to strive to remember and pray. May the Lord lift you up and turn your faces toward him continuously.
I don’t know you, but my friend Julie Strietzel has been posting your updates and I have been reading and praying. I am praying for miraculous healing for Beckett and strength for you.
oh dear jonny and leah… that same song has been in my heart literally with no explanation except for you and for another loved one. Me He give you strength..much love.